Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Folding Cards and Golden Saints

Well hey!  I'm super happy to be here and to share a little of my experiences of life with you guys.  First, as always, SHOUTOUTS.

Neysa, Kailey, Nicolle, Ana, Lara, Blythe, Joy, Kevin, Lizzie, Jose, Alfredo, Jessi....  Love you all dearly.  Thank you, as always, for your words and thoughts.  I appreciate them all more than words can describe....  I miss you all, too, for that matter.

Well,  I really do not have that much to report. Well, I guess I kind of do, but I have to do something first, and I think it will tie in the big things as we go.  So.... Here we go.

The song Demons is one that has developed a lot of meaning to me over the past couple of years, from both before and after the mission.  I hold it close to my heart for a number of reasons...  Some of which I want to share in connection to my feelings of the past few weeks. 

When I hear the verses of this song, I hear a melancholy reflection of what it means to be at the end of the road in a given journey - lamenting the deteriorating standard of society as well as the broken state of he who is reflecting.  I may be looking a little too deep.... But I don't think I am.  That's one of the beauties of music, isn't it?

In regards to my time on the mission, I am particularly drawn to a few phrases and lines of the song: 

When the days are cold, and the cards all fold, and the saints we see are all made of gold;
When your dreams all fail, and the ones we hail are the worst of all, and the blood's run stale...

These first lines are a beautiful description of the sentiments of one who has long since felt the heartache of the fallen state of man, pained at the seeming absence of hope or reason - I, if even in a small part, have indeed felt this in the mission (except the days are actually pretty hot).  It sometimes feels as if the hand we've been dealt is stacked against our favor, and, as I see all too often here, many of the people on the opposing team are following 'saints of gold' - interesting, as the game we play only has one team.  Or, at least, should have one team.  From a non-religious point of view, 'the ones we hail' are often times some of the worst of all - glamorizing immoral and corrupt behavior, and making light to seem as darkness, or, that is to say, making those who DO believe in good and evil to seem 'blinded by belief', outdated, and sheltered from the 'real' world.  Indeed, if any of you at some point has stood for morals, you have felt or heard words to this effect when in opposition.  Of course, these first lines are an analyzation of society as of today - and I appreciate how he includes himself in the 'we', therefore admitting that he himself has at one point participated in the crowd.

It then continues in a later verse:

At the curtain's call it's the last of all, when the lights fade out, all the sinners crawl;
So they dug your grave and the masquerade will come calling out at the mess you've made.

In these lines, the man reflecting then moves on to the end reward:  at the end of the day, no one can hide what they truly were.  Once the buzz of popularity dies down, the reality sets in as to what actually happened; and if while in a group evil appears less catastrophic because one is not entertaining it alone, the effects will always remain personal.  Finally, in these moments of realization, we will put up a face to hide from the truth - and sometimes we are able to.  But who are 'they' who will dig our grave?  This will be our own memories of the truth WE cannot avoid - and the masquerade will come to an end.  Which brings me to the follwing lines:

I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you - but with the beast inside, there's nowhere we can hide.
No matter what we breed, we still are made of greed - This is my kingdom come.
Don't wanna let you down, but I am Hell-Bound; though this is all for you, don't wanna hide the truth.
No matter what we breed, we still are made of greed - This is my kingdom come.

These lines are among my favorites. In these lines, I see the deepest honesty of one to those who mean most.  We don't want to admit they we've fallen from grace, and by doing so, let down those who trust us.  We want to hide our imperfections, that we might appear more stable.  Often times, we try to give the best we can to make up for that which we've broken - but the truth is, in the midst of our own personal journey, we are lost.  Without Destination.  And until we recognize that we are lost, we will continue to walk to nothing.  
My favorite line among these is 'though this is all for you, don't wanna hide the truth.'  Yes, we hide because we don't want to let down.  But deep in our heart.... If we were able to admit everything openly, this surely would be truth:  although I've been hiding all this to shelter and protect you, I never wanted to have to hide it.

When you feel my heat, look into my eyes.
Don't get too close, it's dark inside.
It's where my demons hide.

Thus.... When truth comes out - we are left in a broken and hurt state, feeling hopeless and helpless.  Yes, it's true, we are desperate.  But we are NEVER hopeless and NEVER helpless.  We all have our demons - and as I read the final lyrics, I realize that even the man reflecting realizes that hope is not gone, even if it seems dim.

They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate - it's woven in my soul, I need to let you go.
Your eyes they shine so bright, I wanna save that light; I can't escape this now, unless you show me how...

I would rather just allow you all to interpret this one.  For me, I see the man reflecting talking to himself and one other person:  Trying to throw out the natural evil that pulls him down, and the one person that can give him that hope that was lost.  But here's the thing that makes me think the most:  The man reflecting needed to reach first.

Love you guys.  This week, Elder Naupoto and I had the opportunity to baptize three fantastic people:  Cristina, Dominic and Didier.  I was priviledged to perform the ordinance.  And.... This will be my last week with Elder Naupoto.  I thank him for all he's taught me.  I'll be talking to you all next week.

Elder Kristian Huff

Song of the Week: Demons

Road trip with President, Sister Bowler and Naupoto

H.'s baptism

Saturday's Baptism


No comments:

Post a Comment